My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
