Im at strip club and am horny
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
