When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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