I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Mom said you looked used
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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