when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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