Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
