Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
