what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
