I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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