smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
