I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
