I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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