He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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