Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
