I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
