we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
