we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize