I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
