and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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