thus making me awesome and them whores
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
