I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
