he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
