yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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