I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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