: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
