addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
