I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
