At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
