are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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