I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
