dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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