got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
