He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
