Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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