i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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