We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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