Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
