mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
