You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
