Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
