she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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