Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
