We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
