So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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