Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
