You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
