i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Less talking, more tequila
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
