it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
