I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
