sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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