i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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