Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize