well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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