Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
