help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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