Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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