By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
