Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
