HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
