Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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