i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
