Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If I die, sorry about rent.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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