i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my phone needs a breathalizer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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