I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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