I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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