If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
