home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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