So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
