i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dear god my vagina.
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