I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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