the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You are the jesus of drinking
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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