I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
