I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
