UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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