Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
