bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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