there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
